Do you ever think about getting old?

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Writing prompt of the day: write about the fear of getting old. Ageing is the most natural thing, yet many of us fear it.

The fear of the the unknown is stronger than my sense of logic at times. I look at myself in the mirror every single day and I watch dark circles appear and disappear underneath my eyes, I see my body lose and gain weight yet, my mind blocks out the thought of getting old. Like it’s not gonna happen to me, like I’ll be that special one whose mortality doesn’t catch up to her when in fact I’m just like everyone else silently walking through life afraid of what’s to come but in denial of what that is.

I’m scared of picturing myself with grey hair, shortness of breath and low mobility. I’m scared of having to live in a home because my children don’t have the time to take care of me. I’m terrified of losing control over my life because some number dictates I need to do less and settle for the little things I get out of pity. I can’t imagine living off medicines and losing my soulmate or having him lose me of old age.

I struggle to understand our short stay in this world and why we have to live the last part of it in pain, hospitals and depending on others. The thought makes me sick and panicky every time I think of it so I often choose not to because why hurt myself with something that is inevitable and I know hurts me this much?

I’ll just live as long as I can with the idea that I’ll stay young forever and deal with what’s to come when the time is right.

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