That night I went to bed with butterflies in my stomach, happy to be alive. I dreamt of the man that had made all of that possible and snuggled closer into him in bed. Hunter had swooped into my life and taken over every meaningful moment I lived. He touched my soul and quietened my demons, allowing me for once to not be afraid of what would happen tomorrow.
Here, in his arms, I felt safe and protected from those that wanted to hurt me, but I also felt cared for like never before through touches that made my heart squeeze tightly. He didn’t ask for more or something in return, he was simply wired that way and God knew he made me feel like his purpose was to make me feel just like this. Safe, in his arms and only there.
Our kiss had started something I’d tried to deny, but he wasn’t having any of it. He’d said, ‘No more. No more pretending that I’m just being a good neighbour to you. I like you and I don’t want to hide that anymore from anyone’, kissing me to seal his words like a promise. ‘I’m scared. I don’t want to hurt you…’ or have them hurt you, I’d added, expressing concern over his safety and everyone else helping me. ‘The only way you can hurt me is by denying what’s between us’ and as much as I wanted to do that to protect him, my body at the same time as my heart jumped in his arms and admitted something I had only dared to think of and never speak, ‘I’ve liked you since I first stepped foot on this farm and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you ever since.’
Moving his lips towards mine faster than lightning, he kissed me until I couldn’t breathe anymore. I was so dazed by his scent and taste that I asked him to stay the night in between kisses and in that moment I wouldn’t have accepted a no. We’d walked hand in hand towards the guest house where he said he still had some old clothes in the guest room closet. We changed into our pyjamas in different rooms and naturally cuddled in bed, with me curling on his left side and placing my head on his chest.
He was fast asleep now, and as much as I wanted to be in the same state something kept me awake. I didn’t know if it was the usual worry making me anxious or the fact that a man happened to be in my bed after so long. What I knew for sure was that despite being scared, despite being anxious, his arms kept me together and glued my broken heart’s pieces with each passing breath he took. And for now, that was enough.