Grandma’s wisdom…(MB #18)

Days went by in a haze and my hopes of ever finding Mia went with them. Sleepless nights and mediocre days slipped through my fingers as the chances of ever seeing the one I loved disappeared. I couldn’t understand how no one could tell me anything of her whereabouts, how no one could shed some light into what had happened. I was powerless in a situation where the power of others had brought me to my knees. I couldn’t eat or even stay in my house without something reminding me of her. I was a ghost, a mere shadow of the man she’d once known but I’d give anything to become that man again if it meant she could be by my side.

‘What are you doing out here on your own, darling? Come inside.’ I heard grams speak from behind, as if she was scolding a kid standing in the cool air wearing summer clothes and about to catch a cold because of it. ‘I’m thinking.’ I stated, not bothering to turn around and look at her because she soon walked in front of me, scooting down to my level and sitting down on the porch with me. ‘You’re torturing yourself…’ she acknowledged and gave me a look of compassion that made my heart ache for the both of us, knowing she was also suffering because I wasn’t the only who lost someone that day. ‘I don’t know what else to do, grams…’ I spoke with desperation in my voice, ‘You have to stop blaming yourself, dear. It’s not your fault.’ but it was… If I had listened to my gut and stayed at home with her that day I could’ve protected her, ‘I might’ve been able to save her, grams. The thought of it haunts me every night.’ every time I went to bed and every time I awoke in the night, desperate to find out it was all a dream.

‘You might have or might’ve not. We won’t know, but what matters now is that you’re doing everything you can to help find her.’ she exclaimed, but I didn’t feel like that was the truth. ‘I’m not doing a very good job though, she’s still missing and there’s barely any leads to where she might be’. She looked at me with pain in her eyes and gently squeezed my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me, ‘I know it may feel like it, like time keeps passing by and you haven’t achieved much, but every effort of yours and the FBI’s is counting for something. You just need to have faith.’

‘There has to be something we’re all missing…a clue, something we haven’t looked at.’ I continued, spiralling out of control and going back into the emptiness of my head trying to find a hint of anything that might give us any information. ‘Banging your head about it won’t help, especially since you’ve barely eaten or slept. You need to be yourself again if you hope to ever find something.’ she advised, but taking a break from thinking just made me feel like I was failing Mia. Like I was giving up. ‘I can’t sleep, grams. Not until I find her.’

‘How are you going to do that when you’ve been walking around like a zombie for days?’ she questioned, almost annoyed that I couldn’t see the damage I was doing to myself, ‘It’s been a week, Hunter…you have to-‘. ‘I have to what?’ I asked, interrupting her. ‘I know how long it’s been and that she might be dead by now’ the thought of it haunted my every walking moment ‘but I have to try, grams. If it’s at least to catch those guys and bring them to justice. She can’t die and forever be known as a criminal…she deserves better than that.’. Placing her arms around me she held me tight, sighing on my shoulder, ‘That she does, darling’. Returning her embrace, I began sobbing in her arms unable to hold my cries in any longer. She held me closer and didn’t say anything whilst I cried like a little boy who’d lost a precious toy. I hadn’t cried in front of her since I was a child. I had never let anything or anyone get to me that much because I didn’t want to feel the pain love could bring. Yet, ‘I love her…’ were words I found myself saying more and more often in my head now and the pain of carrying that love with me was killing me. ‘I know you do. Mia is a special woman, deserving of all the love you can one day offer her. She’s worth all the pain and struggle you’re feeling now…’ she trailed off, not knowing if to continue or not, ‘But?’ I asked, trying to recompose myself. ‘But this isn’t about proving how much you love her. It’s about helping to find her and right now you’re not helping with the state you’re in.’

‘Grams…’ I began, attempting to defend myself but stopped as my phone started to buzz inside my pocket. When I looked at the screen I held my breath as Agent Thompson’s name started flashing on it. It took a nudge from grams to actually break away from my trance and answer the damn phone. ‘Agent Thompson?’ I asked, fearful of his response. ‘Hunter, I’m at the sheriff’s station. Come down here as soon as you can, we may have found something.’ he urged and my legs moved faster than lighting towards my car.

Note: Thank you for reading the next part on this series! If you’re interested in reading from the beginning just follow my blog and posts which have the letters MB in the title. I appreciate all of your support with my writing so please like and subscribe to my blog for more!

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