If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be?

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If I could change something from the past, it wouldn’t be a specific moment or event…it would be me, my lack of confidence and love towards myself. I’d like that to change that. I’d really like to change that...

When I was younger, I was very influenced by other people around me, I really wanted to be liked and to be accepted because I thought that was the only way you survive in life – with people. If I look now at all the ‘be independent’ and ‘love yourself’ statements you see circulating through the media, TV, and other channels, I get a bit sad.

I wish I had known back then that it was okay to not have that many friends, to be independent, and not have to count on others to solve whatever social issue I was going through. I wish I had known to identify that I loathed myself because I wasn’t pretty enough, I had (really ugly) glasses, my teeth weren’t straight and I only had a brain to help me out.

‘ONLY HAD A BRAIN?’ Can you imagine the sort of life I was leading if I actually thought that my brain, my intelligence wasn’t good enough or far superior to being considered pretty and accepted by others. I didn’t actually see it as an advantage. The people I tried to impress hated my intelligence and would put me down for it, making me feel embarrassed that I knew stuff. I even got to the point where I wouldn’t want to answer questions at school because I didn’t want to look too smart.

Looking back at it now, it’s actually damn depressing because my brain has led me to so many successful things. All that knowledge, has given me a life that those people I tried to impress never dreamed of and yet, I was ashamed of it.

I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be pretty and accepted. So, I suppose looking back at it now. I wish I could change my mindset into ‘I am smart, I am pretty and I do not need to be accepted for those things to be true’. Because those people never made me feel any prettier or be any more accepted than I already was. I was always questioning it anyways, feeling like an impostor who would soon be discovered and marginalised once more.

So, at least I wish I would’ve appreciated myself and my gifts a lot more.

What would you change if you could, from your past?

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Just like you I wouldn’t want to change a specific moment or event. I would want to change the mindset that I had.

    Firstly, I thought that my life would truly begin when I finish school and I move out of home. I thought only then would I be happy, successful and free. I was waiting for my life to begin but little did I recognize that it was already here.

    Secondly, how I allowed people to treat me. I tolerated a lot of abuse and belittling from everyone. I didn’t realise that I had the power to change the way people treated me by setting boundaries or by changing the people around me.

    Lastly, staying in toxic friendships because I was afraid to be lonely.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. DGs says:

      All your points resonate so much with me!!! Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I really appreciate it. 😇

      Liked by 1 person

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