This quote right here is the essence of what I’m living right now. Throughout the years I have chased certain ideals that others put in front of me to reach financial stability, a respectable place in society etc. I allowed myself to get sucked into other people’s ideas of a good life because I didn’t know any better and I also wanted to make my parents proud.
It wasn’t a good choice but I do believe it served its purpose of leading me to making better decisions where I put myself first and changed the narrative.
I didn’t know any better years ago, but today I am taking the right steps and making good decisions to get to the place I really want to be in. I made mistakes out of desperation for money and a series of traumatic events that made me believe this was what I had to do to survive. Going through new experiences now, I have finally realised that this isn’t what I want even if it pays the bills.
I want to branch out and expand my horizons not continue to limit myself. However, if I hadn’t made those bad decisions in the beginning I would’ve not learned the valuable things I know now. I would’ve never understood the importance of self-love and how trying to pour from an empty cup to help the rest of the world was madness, but also dangerous.
My bad decisions eventually led me to a moment of epiphany caused by burnout where all I could do was sob and cry over how my life was going. I didn’t think I’d recover and I’m still not fully there yet, but that was the tipping point for me and that’s where I decided to learn from my experiences and begin to look for other ventures.
I’ve started by making small changes to my life in preparation for the biggest one and I can already see a difference in my mood and how the idea of moving on from this chapter of my life is for the best. Although it took a lot of processing and analysing how things would work out, the future doesn’t seem as scary as before because I feel at peace with my current decision. It’s a massive difference from before where a part of me always felt like I was in the wrong place and I wasn’t being true to myself.
I tried to fit a mold that just wasn’t for me and now I feel good about learning from that experience and creating my own mold.