Good morning everyone! I’ve realised how long it’s been since I’ve done a writing prompt and how much time has passed since I’ve done some creative writing. Today’s post will focus on this amazing prompt I found the other day but, I’m hoping in the coming days I can start putting some pieces together for a story and start with creative writing again. Writing stories has always been what I’ve loved, but I’ve put that away for a while due to my current commitments outside of this blog. I am hoping I can start changing things soon!
I believe that in an attempt to escape my current situation and find freedom and comfort outside of a toxic environment, I still allow it to take up a lot of space in my mind and in my heart. Using up that space means that time, energy, and other precious resources go to the wrong place, to the place I hate, and the place I want to leave. However, I can’t find it in me to stop thinking about how the environment is, toxic, unhealthy, disgusting, and detrimental to my mental health despite knowing that I will soon leave it all behind.
My soul and heart have been hurt so much in this journey that I can’t fathom the idea of leaving and people still being able to do to others what they did to me. I think that’s why I’m drained because my brain can’t comprehend how it’s possible for people to be treated the way I have in the workplace and for the only solution to be, leaving and allowing them to still do the same to others.
I keep on thinking about it, how it’s ruining my life, and how it’s wasting my time away as well as energy every day but I can’t seem to be able to say “enough” because I feel disgusted by a system that thrives on people’s pain and injustice. I despise how much something that I will leave behind in three months time is still getting to me and hurting me because I wish there was something I could do to change things and make things better.
I keep on wasting my energy hating it and blaming the job and the people around for making it so horrible for me instead of understanding that no matter how much pain I am in, things won’t change. Action is necessary and unfortunately, I stand alone with the fear of future prospects hanging above my head. My hands are tied. If I ever want to get another job again I will need a letter of recommendation from here so I can’t afford any outbursts even if they are well-founded.
The way I’m trying to reduce stress and conserve my energy is by taking things day-by-day, hour-by-hour, celebrating small wins, and putting a big smile on my face when I can tick off another day on the calendar. From time to time, the system gets me again and I feel like I can’t go on but, instead of carrying on, I take some time for myself to remind myself of all the exciting projects ahead of me, the holidays I’ve booked to get me through the last few months, and the fact that I am strong and I can do this.
I will not miss this pain, on the contrary, I will wear it like a badge of honour but until then I’ve got to put my energy where it really needs to go and that is towards my fresh start, how that’s going to look, how I’ll make that happen and what I need to do now to prepare for then. Giving them more energy is a waste. I’ve got to learn to take my energy and put it in the place that will most help me in the near future and I know that place is with my new projects not my current toxic environment.
So, reevaluate if you’re giving too much energy to a place that doesn’t deserve it. Look at the full picture and think of why so much of you is going into something that’s a lost cause. Take back control and ownership of your energy. Allow yourself to shine not dwell on the pain of the current situation. Refocus on what you’re doing for a better future because that is what will get you through all of this not making yourself feel worse about where you are now.
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